Helping a Loved One Through Addiction

Substance abuse creates wounds felt not only by the addicted individual, but also by the circle of people who love them. Family and friends of someone struggling with a substance use disorder may be at a loss for how to begin the conversation about getting help.

At our detox and inpatient rehab facility in Southern California, we provide resource guides with tips on how to talk to a loved one productively and arrange treatment.

Resources for Families of those Struggling with Addiction

• Guide for Parents
• Guide for Spouses
• Guide for Children
• Guide for Friends
• Guide for Colleagues

Signs of Drug or Alcohol Abuse in a Family Member

Identifying substance abuse in a family member can be challenging, as the signs may vary significantly depending on the individual and the specific substances used. However, there are several physical, social, and behavioral indicators that may suggest someone is engaging in alcohol or drug abuse. Below are detailed warning signs to look out for:

Physical Appearance Changes

• Bloodshot Eyes: Consistently red or glassy eyes can indicate intoxication or a lack of sleep due to substance use.
• Pupil Size Variations: Pupils that are unusually large or small may be a reaction to certain drugs, signaling potential abuse.
• Sudden Weight Fluctuations: Noticeable weight loss or gain in a short period may be linked to changes in appetite or dietary habits influenced by substance use.
• Declining Physical Appearance: Neglecting personal hygiene or appearance frequently, including unkempt hair or dirty clothes, can indicate a loss of interest in self-care.
• Strange Odors: Persistent, unusual smells on the body or clothes, which could come from alcohol, cigarettes, or the specific smells of drugs, may raise concerns.

Neurological Symptoms

• Tremors or Shakes: Uncontrollable shaking of the hands or body can be a physical manifestation of withdrawal or intoxication.
• Impaired Speech: Slurred speech or difficulty articulating thoughts may suggest the influence of alcohol or other sedatives.
• Lack of Coordination: Clumsiness or difficulty maintaining balance could indicate the effects of drugs or alcohol, particularly depressants.

Changes in Social Behavior

• Altered Friend Groups: A sudden shift in friendships, such as hanging out with a new group that may not share the same values or lifestyle, can be a red flag.
• Legal Issues: Evidence of legal problems, such as arrests or fines related to drug or alcohol use, can be a serious indication of escalating abuse.
• Financial Concerns: Unexplained requests for money or missing valuables can suggest that the family member is trying to support their substance use.

Behavioral Indicators

• Decreased Motivation: A lack of interest in activities that were once enjoyed or a general sense of apathy towards work or school can be a troubling sign.
• Frequent Absences: Regularly missing work, school, or important family events may indicate that substance use is becoming a priority over responsibilities.
• Involvement in Trouble: Getting into frequent conflicts, accidents, or engaging in risky behaviors can reflect impaired judgment due to substance use.

Psychological Symptoms

• Appetite and Sleep Changes: Sudden alterations in eating habits, either significant increases or decreases, along with shifts in sleep patterns, can signify underlying substance issues.
• Secretive Behavior: Exhibiting secrecy, such as lying about whereabouts or sneaking around, might indicate a desire to hide substance use.
• Mood Instability: Experiencing sudden and extreme mood swings—going from anger to depression or seeming overly excited for no discernible reason—can be tied to substance abuse.
• Anxiety and Paranoia: Displaying unwarranted fear, anxiety, or paranoia can indicate that the person may be struggling with their substance use or be experiencing its psychological effects.

It’s important to remember that not everyone will display all these signs, and some may show none at all. Substance abuse can manifest differently in each individual, so if you are concerned about a family member, it may be helpful to approach the situation with care and seek professional advice if necessary.

How to Avoid Enabling a Family Member’s Addiction

The best way to avoid enabling is to set limits and maintain healthy boundaries.² But that can be difficult and painful.

Enabling often stems from good intentions and can be hard to distinguish from helping. Helping becomes enabling when it allows your loved one to avoid the consequences of their drug or alcohol use.³  

Examples of enabling include:

• Not following through on threats to leave a spouse or partner.
• Looking for a job for your family member.
• Not disciplining your child or taking away privileges when they come home intoxicated or past curfew.
• Bailing them out of jail if they are arrested.

Getting a Family Member to Addiction Rehab

Talking to your family member about treatment can be challenging. Remember that you can’t force your loved one to seek treatment, but you can provide encouragement and help them see the benefits of starting a recovery program.

You can search for recovery centers on the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s website. Some things to look for in a treatment program include:⁴

• Staff credentials. Ask about required licenses and accreditations.
• Evidence-based treatments. Inquire about the full range of therapies a specific program utilizes.
• Treatment for co-occurring disorders. If your family member has a mental health condition in addition to their substance use disorder, ask if the center provides integrated treatment for both conditions.
• Individualized treatment. Everyone has unique requirements and treatment should address your family member’s individual drug abuse patterns and psychiatric, social, and medical needs.
• Medical detox programs in Orange county. This involves a set of interventions designed to help your family member stay safe and comfortable during withdrawal. Ask if this service is available.
• Levels of rehab care. The recommended type of treatment (e.g., inpatient or outpatient) largely depends on a person’s specific needs. Ask any prospective centers what forms of care they provide and where their programs are located.

Paying for Drug or Alcohol Treatment

Paying for treatment can seem daunting, but you may have health insurance coverage for addiction treatment. Our Orange County rehab facility also offers other ways to pay for rehab.

Thanks to recent federal expansions in coverage, most insurance plans are required to cover at least some portion of addiction treatment.

If your family member lacks insurance or their insurance doesn’t cover the entire fee, you can also consider financing or other flexible payment options. Some people use credit cards or ask family members for loans. Recovery centers may also offer sliding scale fees or scholarships based on ability to pay.

Family Role in Addiction Recovery Process

Family and friends can play a vital role in the recovery process.⁵

The various ways to become involved in a loved one’s recovery include:

• Approaching them about the need for treatment and helping find recovery resources.
• Visiting them in rehab and showing encouragement for the steps they’re taking to get help.
• Participating in family therapy.
• Reading and supporting their aftercare and relapse prevention plans.

While you are not the cause of your loved one’s addiction and you certainly can’t cure it, you can be an integral part of their efforts to get and stay sober.